So today I finally got fed up with my friends telling me that I need to "lower my standards." If my standards get any lower they will be in hell, curled around Satan's toasty hooves. All I want is a man who will add at least something of value to my life, won't be completely embarrassing, doesn't smell or look homeless, can speak his own native language properly, will not stalk me, and can refrain from blatantly ogling other women when I'm standing right next to him. Is that really too much to ask? No, no I don't think so.
However, when you've been single as long as I have (nearly seven years) people start to think that your standards are too high or you're just "shallow." That is a load of bull. We live in a shallow culture full of shallow people who are dating other shallow people whilst calling others shallow. And I'm sick of it.
When you never have a special someone and you're past the age of 30, others either give up on you entirely and start making comments about how "some people just will never get married and that's okay," or they decide you should really just dispense with all notions of standards at all, and start snuggling up at night with whatever you can get - smelly and homeless or not. They can't fathom the simple fact that maybe you're more comfortable alone. Maybe you're just not lonely enough to be that desperate, and you probably never will be.
Well, I may not be desperate, but I am lonely, and I love to prove people wrong. So I have decided to use the next 60 days to get a boyfriend - one who meets my standards - thus proving that my standards are fine, not shallow and unrealistic. What I'm looking for can be found. I just have to prove it.
I think the reason I haven't found what I'm looking for in a man is because it's hard for everyone to find someone who is a good fit for them, but it's even harder for me. I am shy around guys to begin with but I also had a rough period in my life during which I lost everything financially, my career plans tanked, and I developed some level of social anxiety during that time as well.
For years I just hid in my apartment, battling one unfortunate circumstance after another, wondering what to do with my life and hating myself. You can't really meet anyone when you are in that state, and if you did you wouldn't know what to do with them. Now that my life and mood are somewhat stable, I am happier and able to consider letting someone into my life. However, the social anxiety seems to remain, and I'm finding it hard to find people to socialize with.
So over these next 60 days I have to work on my self esteem, start being social again, learn how to flirt, and start meeting eligible guys. I also have to learn how to maintain a dating relationship once I find one. I will use this blog to chronicle my efforts. I will tell you all about me and my personal struggles, and share each dating experience as it occurs. If I succeed in finding a boyfriend in 60 days, then maybe through reading this, other women can learn something from my efforts.
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